I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh god it's open bar.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
