You're my little dorito
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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