she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
