it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do vagina's smell?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
