i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
