I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
These Medical Professionals Recall the Worst Cases of Hypochondria They’ve Seen
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.