He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.