I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day