I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
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all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY