It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
