the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead