This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif