possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
