Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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