lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
