apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
