She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
