Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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