I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize