hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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