Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
