I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
