I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
