What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
