I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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