could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When did angry sex become our thing?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
