I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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