That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
