I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
