saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
