Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Can Purell be used as lube?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
