i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
