Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
