is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
