So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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