Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
