I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
