what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
