Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
