Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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