please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
