it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
