Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
pray to the hookup gods
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
