Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize