"it" just moved
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
