So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
