I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
