the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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