The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
