Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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