i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
