Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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