I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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