Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So much rum. So many feels.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
