why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
