I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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