ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we're making bets on your personal life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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