he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
