fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
