He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
