I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
