Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
