By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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