i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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