At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
