Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
