im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
