"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
