Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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