what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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