She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
