I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
