I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
