If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize