Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
