HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
