Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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